You know those times when God feels really far away? Like nonexistent. Crickets are chirping and you feel pretty darn alone. You're not alone in these moments of doubt, I think we all have them and ask ourselves, are you really there and do you care? The question is, will you keep showing up?
I'd like to share a recent dry spell with you were my faith was a little shaky. I'd like to say something monumental caused my doubt but it wasn't. It was just good ole fashion nothing changing in an area I've been hoping would breakthrough for quite some time. I suppose I can save face by saying its been 19 years of waiting so I don't sound entitled. That's a long time of being in the middle, the wilderness, whatever you call it.
It's times like these that we ask is faith really worth it? You're probably worn out at this stage from a long wait and no resolve so putting in more effort to be more Christian sounds daunting.
I'd like to open my journal with you to share a moment that perhaps you share with me. One that at the end may jump start your heart once again as it did mine.
Hi Jesus, I'm trying to skip writes, still doesn't feel right. Still trying to stay positive into my workday, still getting beat into the ground. Still trying to make sense of it all. But I can't. I don't know why this has to be so hard unless either I'm suppose to quit or get help, I don't know. What I do know is I'm not so good at doing this life on my own. I need you. Plain and simple. I need you. For answers. To be my guiding light. I don't want to pull away from you, I want to pull into you. More. That's where all the beauty is. The water to our longing. So you know what? I'm showing up. Even if it's to an empty street corner. Because you're worth the chance.
Here's the response Jesus put on my heart
my love, my eyes mist from your beauty. THANK YOU.
Thank you? Maybe Jesus wants us to show up to an empty dark street corner, like the ones you envision on a dark rainy night in New York City with just a pole lamp casting a little light. Do we show up night after night waiting to see if our long lost love will meet us there?
I think maybe we should. Isn't He worth the chance? This journal experience stole Jesus from the beautiful but cold stained glass and personalized Him for me. I want to show up on that street corner (figuratively) for Him, just in case. Maybe He needs us too? To show we're here for Him even when He doesn't show up.
I hope to see you my friends, at our empty street corner.
